I wrote a huge long blog post that got my little blog some traffic in March 2013. I felt like I had been defeated.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. When I married Spencer, we decided to go off birth control pretty soon. I thought month after month it would happen. Then I went to my ob/gyn, and another ob/gyn. They all told me I was normal and Clomid would work. I'll be pregnant in 6 months. 1 year later I was not pregnant. That is when I decided to take a visit to the fertility clinic. I am glad I trusted my instincts. I met with my favorite Dr. B. He took one look at my ovaries. He said you have all the signs and symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome. Except he said my case was more polycystic ovaries rather than the full blow out syndrome. I decided to go in for surgery to make sure I did not have Endometrosis too. We had a positive surgery. I had very small polyps around my fallopian tubes. He removed them. He put me on a medicine called Metformin. Yes, Metformin is a diabetic medicine. Metformin makes me feel great. I have some insulin issues and Metformin helps my insulin, which helps my hormones, which helps me feel much better. I started on metformin and took Clomid again in December.
We then had a positive pregnancy test in January. I couldn't believe it was that easy. I went in to get my blood work. The nurse called and said yes, you are pregnant please come in 48 hours later. I was all smiles. I may have told too many people too! I got my blood work done. The nurse called me around lunch time. She said I was having a chemical pregnancy. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop crying. I still hurt thinking about that phone call. I went in for my blood work for weeks. My blood work was so off the charts. One day my HCG was up, one day it was down. Dr. B thought it could be an ectopic pregnancy. He gave me options. We chose our option. January 24, 2014...not sure I will ever forget my angel baby. It was a hurt I cannot begin to explain. We had tried so hard, for so long. Why us? Why did we have to have this happen?
All during this time, Spencer and I decided to go through training for adoption with the state. We decided together whatever way our life decided to swing, we were very happy. I loved our adoption specialist. I love children. I couldn't wait to be a mommy.
Mid February we decided to try again. We tried to exact same combo. In March, we got our positive pregnancy test. I was so hesitate to be happy. I knew what that happiness and heartache felt like. I knew this time we would keep everything very secretive. We went in for blood work. Again, my blood work and HCG levels didn't look exactly right on track. HCG is supposed to double every 48 hours. Mine was doubling a little over 3 days. I took another test, and then we got to see our ultrasound. We saw our sweet baby. I saw my sweet baby. No more HCG blood tests! Another ultrasound and this time, the fertility clinic said I was ready to spread my wings. No! I begged to stay. But, I knew this was a good sign.
Go forward to May. We received a phone call from our adoption specialist. I couldn't even talk to her. I couldn't tell her what kind of news we had going on in our lives. Spencer spoke with her. He told her we were pregnant. She said there was a 4 month old sweet baby that needed a family. But, she knew the timing was off for us right now. I still have a hard time with that baby. I know God had a family in mind for the baby, but it hurt.
We are now in July. We just had our 18 week ultrasound. We decided awhile back we were not interested in finding the gender. I couldn't stop crying. I love this baby more than anything. I just don't want to forget about my sweet angel baby, and the other sweet baby. My heart does ache. But, I can't seem to shake my happiness. I cannot wait to fulfill my favorite job...being a mommy!
(Hopefully I will blog more about what is going on in our lives. We are currently wanting to do some home projects. I'll post pictures later!)
Baby Ivey due December 8, 2014
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